I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
