Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
