It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
