trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
