You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
