I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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