the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
