it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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