She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
