You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
