so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
