WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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