Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
