Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Come on in and take your pants off
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