When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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