it was like his penis was on wheels.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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