she was so not down for the gang bang
I have demons in me.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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