Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
