I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
