she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
