Too much gin, very little bucket
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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