Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
