My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
