Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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