i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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