I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
