This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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