wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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