My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
