the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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