i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
