My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
