Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
