Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
