She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
