whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
