no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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