and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize