dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
