There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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