when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
