so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
