I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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