i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
