I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
