I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
