I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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