Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
