last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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