So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
