Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
