i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
