I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
