Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
