I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
