I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
