things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Green mimosas i think yes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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