how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
