i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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